I’ve spent the last 17 years on a healing journey, it has taken on many forms – enlightening, amazing, painful, chaotic, emotional and sometimes the darkest space I’ve ever been in.  I have come to understand a lot about myself and I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned.

So maybe, like me, you’ve had the aha moment.
You realize the fear, self-sabotage, people-pleasing, or perfectionism isn’t about what’s happening outside of you. It’s coming from within: unhealed wounds, survival strategies that outlived their usefulness, and beliefs you didn’t choose but still carry.

That moment of awareness? It’s big.
But it’s also… brutal.
Because once you see it—you can’t unsee it, we cannot become unaware.
And then suddenly you’re sitting in the thick, emotional mess of it all wondering:

“Now what?”

Awareness is Just the First Step

So many of us think that healing begins with awareness—and it does.
But real healing, real change, how do we do that?
That starts when you’re willing to stay present with the discomfort that awareness brings.

And that’s where most people freeze. Or, if you’re like me, you’ve read all the self help books you can manage, you’ve listened to all the inspirational podcasts or maybe even attended some personal development courses and yet, you haven’t progressed as far as you think you should have.

Why?

Because sitting in the mess is hard. It’s vulnerable. It feels like standing in a dark room with no map, no clear exit, and the only way forward is through.

And here’s the truth:

You can’t heal what you’re still trying to avoid. It’s easier to fill up on knowledge and awareness and pretend like that’s going to fix it all.

Why We Avoid the Messy Middle 

Let’s get honest: the “middle” of healing sucks. Nobody puts that shit on a vision board.

You’ve outgrown the old you, but haven’t fully stepped into the new you.
Your nervous system is on high alert.
Your brain is looking for the nearest exit.
And society? It doesn’t exactly reward stillness or emotional processing.

So we distract. We numb. We rush into the next self-help strategy hoping to bypass the pain.

But this part—this sitting with it—is where the healing takes root.

What It Actually Means to “Sit With It”

This is the part I had been avoiding like the plague. I had a lot of knowledge and the awareness, but I hadn’t really spent time sitting with the feelings. Honestly, I was afraid of what might happen if I allowed the flood gates to open – if I could handle it and I didn’t just know how to witness it. So, with some support I started to do these things and you can too…

• Notice the tightness in your chest and get curious instead of panicking.
• Letting the tears come without telling yourself you’re being dramatic, it will be ok.
• Feel the anger without needing to explode or stuff it down.
• Hold space for the parts of you that were never given room to speak.

It’s uncomfortable, yes. But it’s also the most honest, courageous thing you can do.

Tools to Help You Stay With the Mess (Without Getting Swallowed By It)

Here are a few practices that can support you in this middle space:

1. Name It to Tame It

When you name what you’re feeling—shame, fear, grief, rage—you shrink its power. Speak it out loud. Write it down. Let it be seen.

2. Anchor Into the Present

Use your senses to come back to now. Touch something textured. Splash cold water on your face. Count five things you can see. Remind your body that you’re safe.

3. Connect With Your Younger Self

Ask, “What do you need right now?” Speak gently to the part of you that’s scared. Offer comfort instead of criticism.

4. Take One Aligned Action

Healing doesn’t mean overhauling your life in a day. Maybe today’s action is sending a hard text. Saying no. Going for a walk. Drinking water. Picking one thing—and doing it with love.

5. Rest Without Guilt

Sometimes the most radical action is not pushing forward. Let yourself be in the pause. Healing happens there too.

Moving Forward With Intention

Eventually, sitting with the hard makes space for clarity.
And with clarity comes vision.
And with vision? You start building forward.

But don’t rush it.
This is sacred ground you’re walking on.
The mess is the place where your old self dies and your new self begins to form.
Stay with it. Stay with you. Practice creates capacity, because reality is, shit is going to show up, that’s life. We need to practice and create more capacity to be able to handle future messes too so it’s a little easier to manage.

Listen to the episode here:

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-messy-middle-sitting-in-the-sh-t-and-finding-growth/id1761264439?i=1000713083863

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BsVlLduO5l32C30WUsbn9?si=awS9t4EvRGmNZswuhCUGrQ

Ready for More?

If this post hit something tender—and you’re ready to move from surviving to truly living—I’ve got something for you. Visit https://kristazaft.com/free-resources
If you want to learn practical ways to shift survival patterns and reconnect with your needs, energy, and voice. And if you’re ready for deeper support, head to Work With Me to learn more about 1:1 coaching.

Krista xo